Reflections

Yesterday was a trying day for me.  I think it was actually one of the harder ones I've had in a while, when my daughter was taking her sweet time learning how to nurse.  ;-)  The issue at hand was the aforementioned sleep training that's currently taking place in the Baum household (People keep asking me what I mean by this, I just mean learning to sleep without the swaddle, which has also involved some crying it out.  More on this later.).  For the sake of brevity, I will go into the details of all things sleep training, as well as our results, in a later post - this one is more about how I was feeling.


If you've been following along with us throughout our journey, you'll know that I have a compulsive need to research things to death (remember the stroller?  among other things!).  I've said it before, and I'll say it again: researching things somehow makes me feel more comfortable with my situation, no matter what it is.  Researching all things pregnancy and birth somehow made me feel a little better about what was going to happen, even though I knew there was no way I could possibly ever be fully prepared. I guess it's like a coping mechanism.  The downside to this is, not only am I OCD and a perfectionist, but I sometimes have a tendency to take things way too literally and way too seriously.  It's a problem.


I started doing some reading on the Ferber method, which is the  method we've been using for sleep training (again, more on this later).  I bought the book on Sunday night and started reading because I had a few questions that weren't easily answered on the internet and wanted to make sure I was correctly implementing a few things.  Long story short, by Monday morning I was in quite a state.  I'm sure it was a combination of being tired, feeling guilty for letting Lilly cry, worrying, etc. but I essentially created this huge deal in my head and convinced myself that Lilly was sleeping all wrong according to this book.  It got a little out of control.  There were tears.  


I should tell you that reflecting back over the past few days since we started this (Saturday naps were the first day, it is now Tuesday and - knock on wood - she's got it down pat), sleep training has not been so bad.  I will be the first to admit that I have been spoiled by the fact that she has been sleeping through the night since she was 4 or 5 weeks old, and maybe that's why this whole ordeal has been so hard for me and I've been so down on myself, I'm not really sure.  Letting Lilly cry was obviously the hardest part for me, and the hardest part for her has been getting used to sleeping without her swaddle.  Every night we've done this so far, she's gone to bed as usual without any tears and she's slept for 10-11 hours with only a few early morning disruptions.  She got the hang of it very quickly. As a result, for a few days, her naps have been a little "off," but it was to be expected, because this is something different.  The fact that it's gone so well is also kind of remarkable considering she's fighting off a cold as well.


My Mom called at some point on Monday to ask how Lilly was doing and I burst into tears.  This was right after Dan called to ask if I was okay, because he said I'd seemed frazzled when I spoke with him earlier in the day (to which I responded that I was indeed frazzled as well as questioning my mothering abilities).  Anyway, Mom brought up a good point.  She told me that we've been very lucky so far, and that because I'm a perfectionist and Lilly has made most things (not breastfeeding, at least until she was 3 months old) so easy on us, when something doesn't go perfectly like I envisioned it in my head, I am extra hard on myself about it and then obsess over what I'm doing wrong when in reality both of us are just learning something new.  I think I truly expected her to get the hang of sleeping without her swaddle immediately and without any tears, which is an impossibly high standard considering that's the only thing she's ever known.  When she didn't go to sleep sans swaddle with no tears on the very first try, I was literally beating myself up over what I was doing wrong. I hated that my baby girl was crying, and while I knew deep down that there was nothing wrong and she wasn't hurt, it was still hard to endure crying that seemed unnecessary from a child who is happy a good majority of the time (Please don't misunderstand, I am not saying we never have bad days, I just mean that in general she is a very happy and easygoing baby, and we do realize that we're fortunate.).


So, I guess I'm trying to say that I need to have a little more faith in myself, and trust in my abilities as a mother.  My SIL, Andrea, said it best yesterday when she told me that books are there to use as a guide, but in the end you have to trust your instinct and do what you think is best for your family, and that may not always be exactly what the books tell you to do.  Being a perfectionist by nature sent me into a total tizzy over the past few days, and looking back now I realize that it was such wasted energy.  I need to make a conscious effort to stop being a worry wart over every single teeny little insignificant detail.


Lilly teaches Dan and me something new every day.  Being a parent definitely isn't easy, but it is the most rewarding job I've ever had.  My promise to myself, and my promise to Lilly, is to stop being so hard on us.  I have a healthy, super happy, super beautiful baby who loves me, and we are doing just fine.

Sarah

Swaddling

I am in need of advice again, friends.  For the past week, Lilly has not been herself.  How so, you ask?  She's been waking up in the middle of the night.  GASP!  I know, she hasn't done that in months.   The reason she is waking up is because she is a total escape artist (Dan's words, not mine) and is somehow breaking out of her swaddle.  The first night it happened - last Wednesday, I think?, Dan swaddled her before bed time so I assumed his swaddling skills just weren't as excellent as mine are. :-)  The next night, I swaddled her so tight that my sister told me I was going to suffocate her, and Lord knows how but the little Houdini still got out!  I just don't understand it.  She starts out like this:

"Snug as a bug in a rug," as her namesake used to say.

And, inevitably, at least for the past week, she ends up like this:

Seriously.  HOW is she getting out?!  I guess I shouldn't complain, because it's not like she keeps me up all night.  She normally is up, eats (for good measure) and is back down in literally 10 minutes.  The problem is more that I never seem to be able to fall back asleep until my alarm is about to go off, and I'm exhausted the next day.  Sigh.


At first, I thought it was the swaddle.  We had been using the Summer Infant Swaddle Me blankets since shortly after we brought Lilly home from the hospital (we swaddled her the old fashioned way with a regular blanket for a few weeks until she got bigger), which I think I've blogged about before, and LOVED them:

The problem was that they started to get a little tight.  Not sure whether you got the memo that I have a total chunkster on my hands.  This did not stop us, and we kept using them until she absolutely outgrew them.  They apparently make bigger sizes, but they're hard to find - I've not been able to find them in a store yet.  I was close to ordering online when I remembered that we had a Halo brand swaddle to try.  I have been referring to it as the "baby straight jacket":

It zips AND velcroes, and she is still getting out.  How?!?!  She gave us a break night before last, so I thought I had finally gotten over this hump, but then last night she escaped again.  


The next thing I'm going to try is the miracle blanket, which my bestie let us borrow.  I think it is more of a baby straight jacket than the halo, and we're going to give it a shot tomorrow night:

I'll report back on how it goes.  Anyway, so now I'm wondering if this means it's time to stop swaddling?  Upon considering it, I'm inclined to think that the fact that she's waking herself up when her arms are out means she's not ready to stop being swaddled.  On the other hand, if she's breaking out of the swaddle, maybe it's time to stop.  I'm not sure which theory I should go with.


My question to you is this: how old was your baby when you stopped swaddling?  And how do you know when to stop?  I have read several different opinions on this.  Some people say by 4 months, others swaddled their children until 8 or 9 months.  Our pediatrician said that there is no hard deadline, that we can try to stop whenever we feel brave enough but she definitely can't be swaddled anymore once she can roll over while in the swaddle, because it's dangerous.  The problem is that when we've tried not swaddling L, she wakes herself up by jerking her arms.


Part deux of this question is: how do you go about weaning your child from the swaddle?  Again, there is lots of information out there.  The suggestions I've gotten, both from my research and word of mouth are:

• Go cold turkey and let her sleep on her stomach.  I am not sure I can do this.  First, Lilly sort of hates tummy time unless she's propped up on something, like her boppy pillow, because she's nosey and likes to be able to see what's going on around her.  There is a wedge in her crib, but I'm still not sure it would work.  Second, I'm pretty sure I'd get even less sleep worrying that she'd suffocate.
• One arm out.  This is the most common method, I think.  I'm just wary of it because her arms are the problem, and I'm afraid it will take a lot of getting used to for her and I will lose more sleep.  Selfish, I know, it's just that she's spoiled me by sleeping through the night for so long!
• A sleep sack similar to the Halo sleep sack above but without the swaddle part.  So essentially her legs are in a bag looking thing but there are arm holes for her arms.  See above - I'm not sure this will work because the arms are our problem to begin with!

One thing I did find on quite a few message boards as a transition between swaddle and non-swaddle is this nifty thing called the Zipadeezip.  I guess a Mom invented it for her baby to help transition her out of a swaddle, and you wouldn't believe how many Moms on the internet rave about it:

Of all of the suggestions so far, this one seems like it has the most potential.  I ordered one of those suckers yesterday, and will report back on how it goes.  The reason I think it may work for Lilly is because of the arms.  There is room in it for her to move her arms and get used to having them "free," but she can't jerk them and wake herself up trying to put them over her head.  We'll see.  Really I just hope it fits my sweet little fatty.  Anyway, it's hard for me to be annoyed with her for waking me up because she seriously is just so dang cute, in my totally biased opinion:

Any suggestions on this dilemma that I haven't thought of?  Feedback is much appreciated, as is voting.  :-)

Happy hump day!

Sarah

Sleep, please

Lilly has been in a strange phase lately.  I am not sure whether it is a growth spurt or she's just stubborn - probably a combination of both - but I'm ready for it to go back to normal.  Of course, I guess there really isn't a "normal" with a newborn, but we seemed to be doing just fine prior to the past two days.

I've spent most of the night/morning so far wide awake sleeping on the couch while my daughter slept in her swing because that is literally the only place, other than my chest, where she would sleep.  This is new territory for us, because to date she has been a good, hard sleeper no matter where she was, so I'm not sure how to deal with it.  I realize that I always say I can't wait for her to sleep through the night, but in reality, she typically only wakes up once/night, which is great for a 6-week old, so I shouldn't complain really.

Lately, Lilly has been fighting us with the swaddle, but that is not really anything new.  Typically she fights us while we're swaddling her - just some light crying which isn't really crying but more a lot of annoyed grunts, but once she's in, she's fine, and she sleeps much better.  During the day, when I don't swaddle her, she startles herself awake a good bit.  The past two nights, however, you would have thought we were killing the child the way she's wailed when we've put her in that swaddle.  And tonight, she calmed down like normal, but every time she would fall asleep and I'd put her down in her crib she'd start squalling again, wide awake, and try to fight her way out of that swaddle (you will not win, little one, as Mommy has gotten pretty good at swaddling!).  She has been in her crib ever since the first night she was home and we've not had a problem with this yet, so I'm not sure what's going on.

Tonight, she fell asleep on my chest and slept there for a good 30 minutes.  It was about an hour earlier than normal, too, so I was really excited about the potential for extra sleep.  I let her stay asleep on me for a while because we were finishing up an episode of Mad Men, but as soon as I took her upstairs it was all over.  It normally does not matter how loud we are or how much we move her - a train could come through the living room and she'd sleep right through it.  Tonight, however, she's had different plans.  The second I've moved her any time she's fallen asleep, she's up and fussing.  We battled for a while with me rocking her to sleep and then putting her in the crib only for her to wake right back up.  Finally, I tried feeding her again even though she'd only eaten two hours earlier, which seemed to do the trick.  She gulped it down and fell asleep in the process - until I put her down.  Sigh.  So, plan Z B: I took her to our room and let her lay on my chest in bed until she fell back asleep.  Same story once I put her in the crib.  I finally gave up, which is how I ended up downstairs on the couch with her in the swing.  I am pretty sure I would have done anything for just 30 minutes of sleep.

Also, the past two nights we've been cluster feeding because she's been extra hungry.  I have had multiple people swear that this is what makes their child sleep so well at night (read: not wake up), because they are fuller from cluster feeding or from a bigger bed time bottle, so I was excited about this and thinking it meant we were going to get a longer stretch.  Totally backfired - she's actually been up more frequently than normal, partly because she was more gassy and partly because she was hungry again - which makes me think this is the dreaded 6 week growth spurt.

Anyway, all that was to say that I'm ready to get back to this:

Go away nasty 6-week growth spurt! 

Re: swaddling, I guess I need to talk to her pediatrician, but I'm currently trying to figure out when I should give up/stop it all together.  I have read so many different things - some say around 3-4 months, others say around 2 months if your baby is fighting it, others still say if they fight it to swaddle everything but their arms.  I hate this last option because her arms are what normally startle her awake, when she jerks them really hard, but I guess that will happen anyway once we eventually stop swaddling her. Oy! 

In the mean time, she is back in the crib while I'm pumping.  She is making noises, but no squalling so far.  Fingers crossed!  I'd hate to have to get in the crib with her... ;-)

Sarah