Mama Bear

The inner mama bear was out in full force yesterday.  Well every day, really, but yesterday I truly wanted to hurt someone.  Why, you ask?  Because we had a "first," but NOT the good kind.  Yesterday, I had to take my baby to the doctor for her first sick visit, at a mere 6 weeks old.

This fact in itself thoroughly annoys me, because we have worked SO hard to follow doctor's orders.  The pediatrician told us not to take her in public (germs!) for 2-3 months, and by gosh we have not left this house.  Which has been even worse for me, considering I really have not left this house since Week 30 of pregnancy (stupid bed rest).  You can ask anyone that's come to visit, I am a hand washing nazi - and don't you dare get near my child unless I've physically seen you wash your hands.  So the fact that she's sick makes me feel like a terrible parent.  Obviously I know I couldn't have done anything to prevent this aside from not let anyone in the house until she was 2 months old, and it would have happened sooner or later anyway, but 6 weeks is just so early to already be sick, and my little baby is so pitiful that it breaks my heart.

Lilly woke up yesterday morning congested.  Normally I would not think anything of this - I guess her room must be a little dry or something because most mornings she wakes up a little congested.  In fact, I even specifically asked the pediatrician about this at her one-month check up, whether I needed to have her humidifier on full time or not, and she said no, that it was normal.  Yesterday, however, L was much more congested than normal.  I still may not have thought anything of it except the poor baby had this gunk running from her eyes, and that definitely hasn't happened before.  I called and left a message for the nurse just asking what I should do, if I needed to bring her in, etc.  We had our first experience with the rectal thermometer, which went better than expected, and thankfully Lilly didn't have a fever.  The pediatrician asked that we go ahead and come in anyway since Lilly is so young - they didn't want to chance it (this is where I feel like the worst parent in the world again).

The visit itself was pretty harmless.  I will say that they weighed her - with her clothes on, after a feeding, and with a full diaper - and she weighed 11 pounds!  My little chunkster!  The doctor came in and examined her and said the poor thing has her first cold.  Unfortunately there's not much we can do for it other than let it run its course, so she told us to make sure to use the humidifier in Lilly's room until the cold is gone, and to use a saline spray in her nose and then suction out her little boogies every 3-4 hours until she's better.  Thankfully, I had some Little Noses that was sent to us recently by a good friend, and it seems to be helping, at least a little.

I have worried sick about the child all night, I think I have been in her room at least 5 times to make sure she's still breathing.  The doctor said that at this stage, babies can't yet breathe out of their mouths unless they're crying, so if she's crying that may be why.  Lilly has been a really trooper throughout all of it, she really has not cried at all.  She slept from 9:30p - 2:30a and probably would have slept a little longer but we went in and got her as soon as she started making noise so we could suction her nose since it had been a while.  She was SO happy - she let Dan suction her without making a sound, and didn't even cry at the diaper change.  In fact, she was smiley and perfect.  Why was Dan up with us, you ask?  Typically, I don't ask him to get up with me except on the weekends when he doesn't have to work (he feeds, I pump), but I made an exception this time because I, too, have this nasty cold.  The pediatrician says that's actually probably a good thing because I'm producing antibodies to fight it which Lilly is getting through my breast milk, but honestly last night I did not think I was going to make it.  I went to bed when she did, in case it was going to be a long night - I anticipated lots of waking up and tears from her not being able to breathe - and I had the chills and couldn't get rid of them, and my throat hurt so bad every time I swallowed that I wanted to cry.  Anyway so I was still feeling a little unsteady at the 2:30 feeding and Dan was nice enough to help me out, sweet man.

So, we're going to spend today trying to nurse my little one back to health.  I foresee lots of snuggling on the couch in our future.  If she is as happy all day as she was at her overnight feeding, I think we will do just fine.  Until then, whoever brought this sickness into my house and infected my baby better be thanking your lucky stars that I don't know who you are, because Mama Bear is NOT HAPPY that you got her precious angel baby bear sick.

I can't end the post without saying Happy 4th Birthday to my first-born, Layla.  You have brought us so much joy, and we love you so much, sweet girl!  I wonder if she's looking forward to her annual dog birthday cake and new toys?  :-)

Sarah

Operation 6-Week Violation: Success

Time for a Mommy update!  You thought you were done with these, huh?  ;-)  I went to the doctor for my 6-week post-partum violation check-up, and I'm happy to report that it went fine.  I will spare you all of the gory details (for once), but the doctor said that everything has healed nicely and that I can return to all normal activity.  Which means operation starvation/go to the gym all of the time will have to commence shortly, and I am dreading it.

A few minor details: he asked me if we planned a quick turnaround for our second pregnancy, and when I asked him to define "quick," he asked if we were planning another pregnancy in the next 6-9 months.  To which I responded, H*LL no.  I mean, do people really do that?  I guess they do or the doctor wouldn't have asked, and more power to them, but I literally cannot imagine being pregnant with #2 and having a 6-month old.  How about I get the hang of one baby before even considering number two?  And let's not even go there re: letting my lady parts recover from the first one before even considering a second.  Oy.

I also asked him about the likelihood of me having to deal with preeclampsia for any future pregnancies.  He said that since mine was mild in nature, he hoped I would skate right past it next pregnancy - that is close to being a direct quote.  I had several problems with this statement.  First, mild?  I was on bed rest for the last 7 weeks of my pregnancy, for goodness' sake.  I would hate to see what severe is.  Secondly, I "hope" I will skate right past it too, doc.  When I mentioned these two things to him, he told me that what he meant was, we just won't know until we get there, but he thinks my chances for a healthy pregnancy next time around, whenever that may be (not any time soon, sorry Mom!), are good.  Hooray!  I won't get my hopes up, but I like my odds.

I guess the only other important thing we talked about was breast feeding.  He said that since I am exclusively pumping, I likely won't be able to breast feed much longer once Lilly starts eating more.  I was under the impression that people continue to pump and feed for a while, so this discouraged me somewhat and, I'm sure it will come as a shock to you all, but I've been worrying about it ever since.  My original goal was to breast feed for one year.  Since L had other plans and we've had to tweak a little (I'm convinced she is God's way of teaching me that I can't control everything), my new goal is to (hopefully) make it to 6 months, or at least until we start introducing solid foods, and then re-visit depending on how it's going.  Since pumping imitates breast feeding but is not exact, I had the bright idea that maybe I could still breast feed during the day, if not all day at least one or two times.  I have been solely pumping out of sheer convenience, as it is typically much faster, but since for the time being I'm home during the day, we have the time.  Why not?  So, I tried Lilly on the boob (with the shield, of course) after I got home this afternoon, and it did NOT go well.  She nursed for an hour, but after a burp break when she was still hungry and I tried to put her back on she would not have it and pitched the biggest fit I have ever seen from her to date.  So after nursing for a full hour, I still had to give her a bottle and then pump.  I guess I can't blame her, the bottle gives her what she wants a LOT quicker.  Perhaps we'll try again tomorrow?

In the long run, I am not sure how I should go about trying to increase my supply when the time comes.  As it is, I pump every 3-4 hours during the day, and then just after I've fed her when she's woken up once at night, and I seem to be producing exactly what she's eating.  I guess I could keep the vigilant 3-hour schedule even during the night for a few days and see how it goes.  I've also started myself on fenugreek just as an added measure. I have had a few girlfriends agree with what the lactation consultant said, that my body will just know to produce more when the time comes, but others have not had that same experience.  And with all of these weddings coming up, what about when I have to travel?  How do I pump enough so that she can eat my breast milk when I'm not around?  Will I just have to give her strictly formula in those cases?  We had a big supply of breast milk in our freezer from when I was way overproducing at the beginning, but it is already dwindling due to several battles with clogged ducts reducing my flow.  Any advice from all of you Mom friends who pumped?  This reminds me, I need to do an update post on pumping with all of the greast tips & tricks I've learned from readers, friends, doctors, etc.  Don't let me forget!

Re: when I can expect my period to return, he obviously could not predict that - said it could be weeks or months, and to be careful so as to avoid an aforementioned "quick turnaround" pregnancy.  Eek.

As for yesterday's post, thank you all SO MUCH for your sweet words of encouragement and kind thoughts.  It was days like yesterday that I am even more grateful than ever that I've kept up with this blog, because I REALLY needed the reassurance.  It was a long day.  As for Lilly, she is sleeping much better so far tonight (knock on wood that it continues), and in her own crib and not on Mommy or in the swing (so far):

Thank the Lord, because of course the only nap she took today was while Dan was on baby duty so I could go to the doctor, so I did not get to nap along with her and I am struggling!  The night is young, I know, but at least we're off to a better start than yesterday.  I'll take whatever I can get.

Happy Thursday!

Sarah

Sleep, please

Lilly has been in a strange phase lately.  I am not sure whether it is a growth spurt or she's just stubborn - probably a combination of both - but I'm ready for it to go back to normal.  Of course, I guess there really isn't a "normal" with a newborn, but we seemed to be doing just fine prior to the past two days.

I've spent most of the night/morning so far wide awake sleeping on the couch while my daughter slept in her swing because that is literally the only place, other than my chest, where she would sleep.  This is new territory for us, because to date she has been a good, hard sleeper no matter where she was, so I'm not sure how to deal with it.  I realize that I always say I can't wait for her to sleep through the night, but in reality, she typically only wakes up once/night, which is great for a 6-week old, so I shouldn't complain really.

Lately, Lilly has been fighting us with the swaddle, but that is not really anything new.  Typically she fights us while we're swaddling her - just some light crying which isn't really crying but more a lot of annoyed grunts, but once she's in, she's fine, and she sleeps much better.  During the day, when I don't swaddle her, she startles herself awake a good bit.  The past two nights, however, you would have thought we were killing the child the way she's wailed when we've put her in that swaddle.  And tonight, she calmed down like normal, but every time she would fall asleep and I'd put her down in her crib she'd start squalling again, wide awake, and try to fight her way out of that swaddle (you will not win, little one, as Mommy has gotten pretty good at swaddling!).  She has been in her crib ever since the first night she was home and we've not had a problem with this yet, so I'm not sure what's going on.

Tonight, she fell asleep on my chest and slept there for a good 30 minutes.  It was about an hour earlier than normal, too, so I was really excited about the potential for extra sleep.  I let her stay asleep on me for a while because we were finishing up an episode of Mad Men, but as soon as I took her upstairs it was all over.  It normally does not matter how loud we are or how much we move her - a train could come through the living room and she'd sleep right through it.  Tonight, however, she's had different plans.  The second I've moved her any time she's fallen asleep, she's up and fussing.  We battled for a while with me rocking her to sleep and then putting her in the crib only for her to wake right back up.  Finally, I tried feeding her again even though she'd only eaten two hours earlier, which seemed to do the trick.  She gulped it down and fell asleep in the process - until I put her down.  Sigh.  So, plan Z B: I took her to our room and let her lay on my chest in bed until she fell back asleep.  Same story once I put her in the crib.  I finally gave up, which is how I ended up downstairs on the couch with her in the swing.  I am pretty sure I would have done anything for just 30 minutes of sleep.

Also, the past two nights we've been cluster feeding because she's been extra hungry.  I have had multiple people swear that this is what makes their child sleep so well at night (read: not wake up), because they are fuller from cluster feeding or from a bigger bed time bottle, so I was excited about this and thinking it meant we were going to get a longer stretch.  Totally backfired - she's actually been up more frequently than normal, partly because she was more gassy and partly because she was hungry again - which makes me think this is the dreaded 6 week growth spurt.

Anyway, all that was to say that I'm ready to get back to this:

Go away nasty 6-week growth spurt! 

Re: swaddling, I guess I need to talk to her pediatrician, but I'm currently trying to figure out when I should give up/stop it all together.  I have read so many different things - some say around 3-4 months, others say around 2 months if your baby is fighting it, others still say if they fight it to swaddle everything but their arms.  I hate this last option because her arms are what normally startle her awake, when she jerks them really hard, but I guess that will happen anyway once we eventually stop swaddling her. Oy! 

In the mean time, she is back in the crib while I'm pumping.  She is making noises, but no squalling so far.  Fingers crossed!  I'd hate to have to get in the crib with her... ;-)

Sarah

Billy Goat or Baby Girl? You decide.

So, my child does this hilarious thing when she's going to the bathroom.  Gross?  Maybe.  Cute?  Definitely.  See for yourself:

She makes a mixture of grunts and billy goat noises, and it makes me laugh every single time.  She did this for about 45 minutes today and I laughed SO HARD the whole time I almost cried. 

My sister-in-law e-mailed me that it was funny how Lilly put her fingers in a little pyramid like it was a little evil poop.  I told her that at the time I hadn't checked yet because she wasn't finished, but I could assure her it would indeed be evil as we'd been through 3 outfit changes already before lunch time.  We have the worst time with diapers - pampers swaddlers fit her the best, but she has a big belly (fatty!) and these little chicken legs and no butt, so it always comes out the side of the diaper and gets everywhere.  It makes for a lot of daytime baths.  Gross.  This is also what is prohibiting us from moving up to a size one from newborns - we'd have to change outfits every time she poops, which is about 2897239847234 10 times per day, literally.  Anyone else have this problem?

Hope this made you laugh as much as it did me!

Sarah