...and all was right with the world. I love these two more than I could ever express.
And just in case you wanted some cuteness overload, here are some photos from earlier in the evening of my girl hamming it up, courtesy of Auntie Meagan:
Yesterday was a trying day for me. I think it was actually one of the harder ones I've had in a while, when my daughter was taking her sweet time learning how to nurse. ;-) The issue at hand was the aforementioned sleep training that's currently taking place in the Baum household (People keep asking me what I mean by this, I just mean learning to sleep without the swaddle, which has also involved some crying it out. More on this later.). For the sake of brevity, I will go into the details of all things sleep training, as well as our results, in a later post - this one is more about how I was feeling.
If you've been following along with us throughout our journey, you'll know that I have a compulsive need to research things to death (remember the stroller? among other things!). I've said it before, and I'll say it again: researching things somehow makes me feel more comfortable with my situation, no matter what it is. Researching all things pregnancy and birth somehow made me feel a little better about what was going to happen, even though I knew there was no way I could possibly ever be fully prepared. I guess it's like a coping mechanism. The downside to this is, not only am I OCD and a perfectionist, but I sometimes have a tendency to take things way too literally and way too seriously. It's a problem.
I started doing some reading on the Ferber method, which is the method we've been using for sleep training (again, more on this later). I bought the book on Sunday night and started reading because I had a few questions that weren't easily answered on the internet and wanted to make sure I was correctly implementing a few things. Long story short, by Monday morning I was in quite a state. I'm sure it was a combination of being tired, feeling guilty for letting Lilly cry, worrying, etc. but I essentially created this huge deal in my head and convinced myself that Lilly was sleeping all wrong according to this book. It got a little out of control. There were tears.
I should tell you that reflecting back over the past few days since we started this (Saturday naps were the first day, it is now Tuesday and - knock on wood - she's got it down pat), sleep training has not been so bad. I will be the first to admit that I have been spoiled by the fact that she has been sleeping through the night since she was 4 or 5 weeks old, and maybe that's why this whole ordeal has been so hard for me and I've been so down on myself, I'm not really sure. Letting Lilly cry was obviously the hardest part for me, and the hardest part for her has been getting used to sleeping without her swaddle. Every night we've done this so far, she's gone to bed as usual without any tears and she's slept for 10-11 hours with only a few early morning disruptions. She got the hang of it very quickly. As a result, for a few days, her naps have been a little "off," but it was to be expected, because this is something different. The fact that it's gone so well is also kind of remarkable considering she's fighting off a cold as well.
My Mom called at some point on Monday to ask how Lilly was doing and I burst into tears. This was right after Dan called to ask if I was okay, because he said I'd seemed frazzled when I spoke with him earlier in the day (to which I responded that I was indeed frazzled as well as questioning my mothering abilities). Anyway, Mom brought up a good point. She told me that we've been very lucky so far, and that because I'm a perfectionist and Lilly has made most things (not breastfeeding, at least until she was 3 months old) so easy on us, when something doesn't go perfectly like I envisioned it in my head, I am extra hard on myself about it and then obsess over what I'm doing wrong when in reality both of us are just learning something new. I think I truly expected her to get the hang of sleeping without her swaddle immediately and without any tears, which is an impossibly high standard considering that's the only thing she's ever known. When she didn't go to sleep sans swaddle with no tears on the very first try, I was literally beating myself up over what I was doing wrong. I hated that my baby girl was crying, and while I knew deep down that there was nothing wrong and she wasn't hurt, it was still hard to endure crying that seemed unnecessary from a child who is happy a good majority of the time (Please don't misunderstand, I am not saying we never have bad days, I just mean that in general she is a very happy and easygoing baby, and we do realize that we're fortunate.).
So, I guess I'm trying to say that I need to have a little more faith in myself, and trust in my abilities as a mother. My SIL, Andrea, said it best yesterday when she told me that books are there to use as a guide, but in the end you have to trust your instinct and do what you think is best for your family, and that may not always be exactly what the books tell you to do. Being a perfectionist by nature sent me into a total tizzy over the past few days, and looking back now I realize that it was such wasted energy. I need to make a conscious effort to stop being a worry wart over every single teeny little insignificant detail.
Lilly teaches Dan and me something new every day. Being a parent definitely isn't easy, but it is the most rewarding job I've ever had. My promise to myself, and my promise to Lilly, is to stop being so hard on us. I have a healthy, super happy, super beautiful baby who loves me, and we are doing just fine.
Last night we reached a very important milestone: Lilly tried solids for the first time! It went a little something like this:
As you can see, Lilly did not love the rice cereal at first. We gave it to her after she nursed, because at this stage you only use solids as a supplement, not to replace a meal/breast feeding session. Also, I read that if you try to feed babies rice cereal prior to their bottle, you typically can't spoon it into their mouths fast enough for their liking (or at least as fast as they're used to getting milk via bottle or breast), so they get frustrated. Due to the fact that we tried it after she nursed, she didn't eat very much rice cereal - maybe only 4-5 bites. At first, she wasn't really even opening her mouth, but by the last couple of bites she had the hang of it. We chose to do this after her last feeding of the day but before bath and bed time, so that we could clean up the mess it made and also in hopes that it would tide her over since she's been waking up some due to quitting the swaddle cold turkey/sleep training. We made it with breast milk according to the instructions on the box, but it was still SO runny that it was pretty much like feeding L liquid using a spoon. I'm not sure I blame her for all of the funny faces, because it smelled gross. :-)
I took a video to document this momentous occasion and for your viewing pleasure. I was only able to get the first couple of bites because I have over 1,000 photos and videos of Lilly and Layla stored on my phone and so I ran out of storage space and couldn't capture her entire meal. Either way, the video is pretty hilarious:
We tried there whole ordeal again tonight and it went much more smoothly. She still made a face every time I put it in her mouth, but it didn't stop her from eating it...she's gotta keep the chunk in her thigh somehow, ha! I at least left a little gap between nursing and rice cereal tonight, though - I nursed her around 6:25 when she would have eaten anyway and then gave her rice cereal after her before she was full/bored/over it. Let's hope it sticks with her and there are no wake ups until after 7:00 a.m.! :-)
There have been a two times in the past week when I've felt like a horrible mother: one which I am about to tell you, and the other involving sleep training, which I will post on later in the week.
I went to pick up Lilly on Tuesday, and Carney, our nanny, asked me to bring a hat for Lilly because they spend a lot of time outside. She said that typically she just covered the stroller with Lilly's blanket when they're on walks, but at other times a hat would be helpful. I thought it was a good idea, and had actually been meaning to take one to leave with her but kept forgetting, so it was a good reminder. I said to Carney, "Also let me know if I need to bring sunscreen over, but I always leave some in her diaper bag in case you need it." To which Carney replied, "Oh, I didn't think you were supposed to put sunscreen on them until they're 6 months old." I gave her a panicked look and then muttered something about the one we've been using being chemical-free, and was feeling like a terrible mother for having never heard this 6-month sunscreen rule.
Y'all know how I am - for the next several hours I let it eat at me, creating terrible scenarios in my head about how I've poisoned my child's skin. Remember last weekend when we lotioned Lilly right up before taking her for her first dip in the pool?
Honestly, I thought I was doing a good thing by turning into a sunscreen nazi and trying to protect Lilly's sensitive skin. I am not sure why, with all of the research I've done on everything else, it never occurred to me to check and make sure it was ok. It's not like I put her in direct sunlight all of the time to work on her tan - in fact, when we were at my parents' house last weekend, I never even took her out to the pool before 4:00 each day, when the pool was mostly shaded.
I talked to several girlfriends about this dilemma, and while all knew about the 6-month rule, they all assured me that she'd be fine. After talking to them and doing some googling, it turns out that really the reasoning behind the 6-month rule of thumb is that infants prior to 6 months of age are not supposed to be in direct sunlight. So really, it's not as much about the sunscreen itself (and the skin-poisoning ingredients I created in my head) as it is about being safe with your infant in the sunlight. I called the doctor for good measure and they affirmed.
In the mean time, I comforted myself with the fact that I've been using chemical-free sunscreen, and she hasn't had any skin reactions, so I guess it's safe to assume that means she's poison-free. Does it look like I've harmed her at all? Judge for yourself:
It's early to bed for this tired Momma. The Baums have a busy week and weekend ahead! Hope your weekend was fabulous. :-)
