Let me give you an example: we never know when Lilly is going to be ready to go to bed. It is generally sometime between 8:00 and 10:00. Some nights she is falling asleep at 7:30, others she is wide awake until 10:00 or 10:30. Still other nights (like two nights ago), she SHOULD go to bed at 8:00, and I can tell she's tired (red eyes, rubbing aforementioned red eyes, lots of yawns, eyes closing and jerking them back open just as she's drifting off) but she fights it (Why does she fight it? It's not like she's old enough to not want to miss anything yet.) until 10:00 and then crashes and won't wake up to eat, so she wakes up at 4:30 a.m. Joy. Anyway, so in order to establish some kind of routine, we give her a bath right before we think she'll eat, feed her, and then keep it kind of dark and quiet and let her play, read her books, etc. and watch her like a hawk. As soon as she starts closing her eyes, I swaddle her (which wakes her up, but not to worry, I normally reserve about 1/2 an ounce of her bottle to giver her post-swaddle, and typically it works like a charm) and take her up to bed. Most of the time she'll go right to sleep, but sometimes she wakes back up (even though she was almost asleep not five seconds earlier). One of two things happens next: she either plays and talks to herself until she falls asleep, or she demands to get back up and I start the drill all over as soon as those little eyes close again.
Last night she started acting like she was going to doze off around 8:00. Dan caught it, and swaddled her up. I predicted (correctly, might I add) that she wasn't quite ready yet, but the motion of the swing was lulling her to sleep, because she took a three hour nap yesterday afternoon and when she sleeps for that long in the afternon she normally goes to bed closer to 10:00. Dan was going to be on bedtime duty because I was in the middle of a pumping session. So I said to him, "I saved a little of her bottle, I normally give it to her in her room (because it's dark) after I swaddle her since swaddling wakes her up. Make sure the swaddle is nice and tight because the escape artist has been wiggling her arm out lately and then waking herself up. Also, you may want to take the paci, because sometimes she wakes back up as soon as you lay her down and then she protests, but if you give her the paci she'll normally suck on it for a minute, spit it out and go to sleep. Oh, and she's been pretty congested today so don't forget to turn on the humidifier - it may need water." So then, as he is taking my swaddled bundle of cuteness upstairs, I hear him say to her, "Mommy is a serious bed time nazi, huh?"
I chuckled to myself, because I realized it was true. It's not that I don't trust Dan or that I don't think he's capable - he is a wonderful Daddy. It's just that I would say 85% of the time, I am the one that takes care of Lilly. I am with her all day every day. I normally can tell by what kind of day we've had what kind of night it will be. I also am typically the one that feeds her and puts her to bed, because Dan has a lot of work dinners and normally isn't home at least two nights a week. On the nights that he is home, he is normally helping finish up dinner while I get her ready for bed. He truly is very hands-on both as a husband and father. He cooks, he cleans, he does laundry - he helps out with any and every household chore that you can think of. He is also wonderful with Lilly and helps out with her all of the time as well: diaper changing, feeding, bathing, playing, reading - he does it all. But the bottom line is, most of the time, it's me, again just because I'm with her all day. Soon enough (less than a month, to be exact - not ready to talk about it) I will go back to work and it will be even more of a team effort in the evenings.
I say all of this to say the following: I am 100% positive that Dan thinks I believe him to be incapable of caring for our child. Which is absolutely, 100%, NOT true. Lord knows that there are ways I could probably do things better or differently (although I wish I could just claim that, as the title of this post suggests, "I do it better."). When I am telling him what to do, it's just because I do it so often and a lot of times I just know what works, or at least what she's used to. So what do I do in this situation? How do I come across as helpful rather than bossy/know-it-all? Or by trying to help am I actually just hurting his feelings and making him think he does everything wrong? Does anyone else have this same problem?
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| Daddy is very capable - as you can see, he dressed me today. Mommy says I look like a boy, but she is grateful that he gets me up, changes and feeds me in the mornings before work so she can pump in peace. |
Happy Friday!
Sarah
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