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Monday, March 26, 2012

Motherhood is not glamorous...

Howdy, friends!  Just thought I'd pop in with some hilarity to brighten up your Monday.

Dan's birthday was yesterday (Happy Birthday Prince Danny, we love you!), and of course I waited until the last minute to get his presents in order.  This was partially due to the fact that I had NO ideas for what to get him, and he did not give me any until literally Tuesday of this past week.  I planned to get everything taken care of Thursday, but I had a few other errands to run as well and didn't want Lilly to be cooped up in her carseat all day.  Plan B was to get them done Friday while I had Mom here for a while to help, but we got a late start and time got away from us and she had to leave.  Again, since we'd run a few errands with Lilly before Mom left, I didn't want her to be in the carseat all day, so this left me to do everything on Saturday.  I actually didn't mind this because I was thinking I could leave Lilly with Dan, but then he told me he planned to do yardwork on Saturday.  So, with Lilly in tow, I went in search of birthday gifts.

Layla, Lilly and I planned to get Dan a new set of irons and a new golf bag, per his request.  Lilly also got him a Cubs onesie so that they can match this summer, and we got him some frames so that we can put our beautiful faces in them for his desk at work.  So, I THOUGHT I could just go to Dick's and Kohl's, and then I needed to run to the Christian Book store because I wanted to get Hadley something special in honor of her baptism.  Our first stop was Dick's.  I was hoping I could go in and get what I needed and make it to Kohl's before Lilly got hungry.  Of course Dick's took longer than I anticipated and then only had the clubs and not the golf bag, so I decided to go to Golfsmith since that's the website Dan sent me with the link to the bag he wanted.  Golfsmith is 25-30ish minutes from our house.  Lilly was asleep when we were done at Dick's, so I decided to head over to Golfsmith and then change her and feed her in the car when we got there.  I should note here that Dan called me when I was almost to the store to tell me it was raining again at home and he was going to postpone yard work if I wanted to bring Lilly back.  If only he had told me that 20 minutes prior, sigh.

So, we arrived at Golfsmith just in time because Lilly was waking up.  I took her out of her car seat and changed her and was congratulating myself that I managed to do so without any accidents (you may remember that last time I attempted to change her in the car, she peed all over it).  At the exact same time I laid her on my lap and began to fold up the changing pad to put it back in the diaper bag, I heard the familiar sound of her filling up her britches. Sigh.  I decided to leave her there for a minute to let her finish her business.  Turns out I should have laid her on the changing pad, because what happened next resulted in the following:
I'm not sure whether you can really truly appreciate the severity of what the above picture shows, but if you need a hint - those brown stains are poop.  That's right, she pooped.  ALL. OVER. ME.  And herself.  Thank goodness I was prepared and had 3 outfit changes in her diaper bag.  I mean I have never seen so much poop.  I basically had to strip her naked and give her a bath with a wipe, change her clothes, wipe up her changing pad and then wipe my jeans with another wipe.  The store was way too far away to go back home and come back later in the day, so I had to go into that store wearing Lilly's poop and hoping I didn't smell terrible.  It was mortifying. 

She poops on herself at LEAST twice per day.  I think I've talked about this before, but it's the diapers.  We had to graduate to a size 1 last week, because she is chunky and the newborns no longer fit her big buddha belly.  HOWEVER, she has skinny chicken legs, and the poop always comes out of the leg holes in her diaper.  So I'm used to cleaning her up, but this was the first time she's actually pooped all over me.  Sigh.  We managed to go into the store and get what we needed and then get back home in one piece, but the whole incident must have traumatized because she spent much of the rainy afternoon napping like so:

Fast forward to yesterday.  We were so excited to go to Hadley's baptism, and I dressed her in a beautiful church dress for the occasion.  Behold the cuteness:

She did really well during the service - we had to take her out to feed her because church happened to be right in the middle of when she was supposed to eat - but for the rest of the service she just slept.  Bet you can't guess what happened next, though.  Yep, that's right.  After the service, pictures were being taken.  I felt her working on a poop, but decided to have our picture taken before changing her to make sure she was finished:

See that face she's making in the second picture?  Yep, that face means, "I just filled my britches something fierce and poop is currently dripping down Mom's dress."  Lilly:2, Sarah: 0.  Two days in a row?!  Really, Lilly?!  I am not kidding that it was dripping down my dress.  I am just thankful it didn't drip onto the church floor, because I would have been mortified.  The strange thing about this poop was that it actually came out the top of her diaper, not the legs, which doesn't make sense because she wasn't even laying down, I had her sitting up!  I mean is the force of it coming out just that strong that it shoots up?!  How does that happen?!  Not to mention, how is it possible that there was no poop on her bloomers - only on her dress?  It's baffling, I tell you.

The rest of Dan's  birthday was less eventful.  He opened his presents and seemed happy with them, and then we ate the chocolate chip pound cake I made him - he requests the same cake every year!

It wouldn't be a cake picture without chocolate in his teeth, now would it?

Just when you thought she was done pooping, she decided to make it three in a row!  This morning, I was pumping when she woke up so Dan got her up for me and was going to feed her.  She was in a great mood, so he was talking to her and letting her wake up and she was melting his heart with all sorts of gummy smiles and sweet giggles.  Meanwhile, she was pooping ALL over herself and him (came out the top of the diaper again, even though she was sitting up - still don't get it).  To make matters worse, there was so much poop that he decided to bathe her, and then she peed on him when he was walking her to the sink for her bath.  After she was bathed and dressed, he fed her, and she wouldn't burp and subsequently puked on him as well.  Luckily, she is extra cute and was in a super good mood and full of giggles this morning, so he wasn't mad:
Even more luckily for him, he hadn't showered and dressed for work yet, because he surely would have had to do it twice.

So, that about sums up our eventful weekend!  Lilly-3, Mom & Dad-0.  Here's to hoping we can make it through the rest of the day without incident, although we are going to church tonight and that seems to inspire her. 

Dan, you are the best husband and Daddy that your girls could ever ask for.  We love you more than you'll ever know, and we hope you had a wonderful birthday - and that you enjoy the last year of your 20s!  :-)


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