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Wednesday, August 24, 2011

WHAT is that smell?!

In the words of my youngest sister, Sydney (when she was approximately 3), “I smell somefin’.”  And it is NOT good.
I like things that smell nice.  Just ask my husband.  I am all about trying to burn some scented candles in our house, and he has made it well known that he has an opinion on even the most minor household –related items and apparently wants our house to smell disgusting does not love scented candles.  Anyway, I have always been a little sensitive to smell, hence the liking of nice-smelling things, but pregnancy has made anything that smells remotely bad absolutely unbearable to be around.  I knew that my sense of smell would be heightened, but I was not prepared for it to be as sensitive as it has been.  Apparently pregnancy hormones – estrogen actually – are responsible for my nose resembling Layla’s in terms of sensitivity.
Today, dear readers, my sense of smell has been full-on assaulted.  I am not even kidding you, I have been on the verge of barfing all day.  It could be due to the fact that I’m auditing a University and classes started back and therefore led to extra people omitting gross smells being everywhere, I’m not sure.  It started just before lunch.  A vague but unpleasant odor wafted into the room where I’m sitting, which I assumed was the result of someone heating their lunch.  Although I was about to gnaw off my arm from hunger (I had already eaten all but one of my snacks before lunch today, whoops), I decided to give it a few minutes (20 to be exact) before meandering down to the kitchen to heat mine.  Hoping the coast was clear, when I finally did arrive in the kitchen, I legitimately thought I was going to yarf on the floor – which would have been unfortunate as it is connected to the President’s office.  It was so bad that I had to throw  my lunch in the microwave as quick as possible, hit some buttons and then walk all the way back down to the other end of the hall and wait it out there.  NASTY.  I was sincerely wishing for go go gadget arms.  From that moment on, all I could smell was someone’s nasty lunch.  I couldn’t even pinpoint what had been heated that smelled so bad – to me, it smelled like a concoction of the nastiest items (like dog poop, rotten eggs and fish…ew) in the history of the world had been tossed in the microwave and baked together.  I tried to work through it, but an hour later I could STILL smell it (my co-worker hadn’t been able to smell it in ages), and on top of it I thought I was going to fall asleep at my computer, so we decided to walk to the book store to stock up on some additional snacks since I clearly didn’t bring enough today.  BAD decision, because what do you know?  It smelled terrible outside too.  You name it, I smelled it: cigarette smoke from across the quad, gas from the lawn mower across the quad in the other direction, someone’s BO in the bookstore, a nasty fishy smell when we passed the cafeteria…and the list goes on and on. 
The straw that broke the camel’s back occurred in the women’s bathroom after we scavenged for snacks.  Prepare yourselves, this is going to be on the graphic side.  Due to the fact that I’m pretty sure Baby Geronimo is camping out on top of my bladder, I have to use the restroom (that politeness was for Mom – what I really wanted to write was “pee”) approximately every 30 seconds (at least that’s what it feels like).  So I walk into the bathroom for the 10th time today, and had I not had to go so bad I swear I would have walked right back out and held it.  For a LONG time.  Maybe even hours.  Whatever was going on in MY STALL was NOT good (I guess I should back up and explain what I mean by “my stall.”  You know how when you go to the bathroom at work or somewhere else where you are on a daily basis, there is normally one stall you use every time you go, and you’re not really sure how you picked it or why but you always pick that one?  So you literally use the same one every time you go?  And if someone’s in it you hold it and come back later (kidding…kind of)?  No?  Just me?  Perhaps that could be considered mild OCD.).  Anyway, so someone had the nerve to not only use my stall, but to absolutely destroy it.  Seriously.  Luckily it was a quick pee for me, because I had to hold my breath the whole time.  And at one point, I was wondering to myself, what in the world am I going to do if I have to barf mid-pee?  It’s not like there are individual trash cans in every stall like you have at your house.  It had the potential to be a full-on crisis.  Luckily, holding my breath and mouth-breathing did the trick…but it was a REALLY close call.  Not to mention that as a result of this woman, I had to find a new stall…at least for the rest of today.  I couldn’t bear to go back in mine after the damage that occurred in it.  Sigh.  You know what else I just thought of?  What if I had a repeat offender?  What if the bathroom destroyer was one in the same as the nasty lunch eater?!  TOO much to handle.  Serves you right for eating a nasty lunch, lady.
I do not really have a solution to said smell problem.  Most of the pregnancy websites and books suggest that you “avoid the scents that make you feel sick.”  Great, so I’ll be sure not to keep my house full of Layla’s dog turds, but really what am I supposed to do with OTHER people’s nastiness?  Not to worry, there’s a suggestion for that, too:  ask the people around you to be extra considerate.  Easier said than done, I say.  I am an auditor, after all.  People hate me on principle and run in the opposite direction when they see me coming.  Guess I’m just going to have to suffer through this one in silence!  Glad I have you guys to vent to.  Joys of pregnancy, right?  Any suggestions that aren’t stupid I haven’t thought of/read?
Hopefully I didn’t lose anyone on this one, it was a little detailed.  The good news for me is that tonight I got to attend an appointment with the florist for my sister’s wedding, so at least I ended my day on a nice-smelling note.  Ha!
Ta ta for now!

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