Sunday, January 22, 2012

Oy, the hormones.

I will be the first to admit that I am hormonal sensitive emotional when I'm not carrying a child, so Dan I was really worried that I would be an absolute nightmare during pregnancy (don't let Dan tell you he didn't worry, too).  I think I have surprised both of us in that I honestly really haven't been so bad except for on a handful of occasions (remember when I missed the daycare visit?).  Yesterday was one of those times.  For whatever reason, I was a complete and total emotional wreck.  I am pretty sure I cried at least 6 times, probably maybe more...and we aren't talking just shedding a few tears.  We're talking full-on ugly cry, complete with lots of snorting, sniffling, hiccuping, etc. 

The thing to realize about the handful of times when I have been extra hormonal during this pregnancy (yesterday included) is that I know I am being insane and literally cannot do one thing about it.  At one point yesterday I could not speak without tearing up, and I knew it was coming and I knew it was crazy and yet I couldn't control it.  I was annoying myself, and although he handled it very well I'm Dan was wondering who this nightmare was that he married slash doing everything in his power to stay away from me at all times not amused, either.

Why all of the breakdowns yesterday, you ask?  You won't believe it when I tell you - I can hardly believe it myself - but it was because my husband was being helpful.  There, I said it.  I am a psychotic hormonal wreck, I tell you!  Dan is convinced that we are having this baby on Monday, and as I mentioned yesterday we were busy around the house trying to get things marked off of the list.  The first thing he did, which I have been begging him to do for weeks, was to put up a second shelf in Baby Geronimina's closet.  Yay, cross something off the list!  I was downstairs cooperating with doctor's orders on the couch (read: catching up on Grey's and Private Practice), when all of a sudden I realized that there were no more hammering/drilling/manly noises coming from upstairs and he'd been up there for a while.  I hollered up to ask what he was doing, and he said he was getting organized (we exchanged some duplicates and got a bunch of things we still needed from the registry yesterday morning - don't tell my doctors), so I walked up there to see what he was doing.  He had taken everything out of bags and packages, was sorting laundry still to be done into piles, assembling things that needed to be assembled, and just generally organizing the nursery.  We talked for a few minutes about how we really need another piece of furniture (as well as some organizing items), and argued discussed what it should be (I say bookshelf and some shelving, he says another dresser). 

Enter meltdown #1, which was partially due to the fact that we were disagreeing on furniture (even though it is not that serious?) and partially due to the fact that he'd organized everything.  And it only got worse from there.  I literally could not do anything - stay in there with him, come back down to the couch, try to take a nap in our bed - without crying the ugly cry.  It.  Was.  Ridiculous. 

I think there were several reasons to the madness, all equally (yes, I admit it) as dumb.  Firstly, not only did I not like where he had put things in the nursery (which is stupid because I can totally re-do it later), but I just felt like I wasn't a part of the process at all.  Dumbest thing you've ever heard, right?  I had been dreading the organization process just days before, but was hoping we could organize together (which probably was wishful thinking because we never would have agreed on where things should have gone to begin with - we both think we know better than the other most of the time, ha!).  Secondly, I am SO. TIRED. of bed rest.  There are so many things that I want to be doing and that I want to be a part of that I can't because I'm stuck here.  Tying in with that is the fact that I was so excited for it to be the weekend so that I would be able to spend some time with Dan and have some company, but while he was upstairs trying to be helpful I was yet again bed resting all alone and miserable.  Finally, him doing all of these things really just made me anxious and restless.  I'm nervous about Monday's appointment, nervous about the birth, nervous I won't know what in the world to do with a baby...the list goes on and on.  And somehow, his help just made me even more of a nervous wreck.

Dan was truly very understanding about the whole thing.  He only lost his temper with me once, even though I was a blubbering moody mess, and really the temper losing was very mild compared to what it should have been - more like a scolding than anything else.  I finally got it under control and told him how I was feeling, and he said he understood and I should have just said so in the first place.  Whether he actually understood or was just placating me, we'll never know, but whatever.  He is a good man, my husband, and lately I am even more thankful for him with each passing day, if that is even possible.  We figured out how I could help do some things while sitting down with my feet up, and with our powers combined, we really got quite a lot done.  There's still a long way to go, but we both feel a lot better about where things stand - and our house is slightly (only slightly) less of a wreck as a result.  Here's some of what we did:

Weird lighting (sorry), but Dan installed the second shelf in her closet and we started organizing.  I think in the end there will be a lot more hanging once I get some more pant hangers - we are quickly running out of room in the dresser/changing table.  Additionally, we are going to get quite a few baskets to put on the bottom shelf for storage - extra blankets, clothes that have a long time before they can be worn, extra supplies, etc.

The bookshelf!  Can you believe all of the books she already has?!  And the baskets on the bottom are all filled with toys already.  Oy!  Ignore the crap laying on top - we still have some organizing to do in the "office" side of the loft as well.  Also Dan put together the jumperoo and baby gate, neither of which we will need for a while but he wanted to get all of the boxes ready to go to recycling.

Bottles galore!  Someone told us we have more bottles than a daycare would even have, ha!  The sad thing is, this wasn't even all of the bottling supplies - some of it was in the dishwasher.  Eee!  We do have a lot, but our plan is to use some of them to freeze breast milk in as well, so we wanted to make sure we had plenty.  The grass looking thing to the left is a drying rack.

Carseat base (complete with seat protector) installed in Daddy's car - thanks to Dan's wonderful co-workers!

Car seat (thanks to my college besties) installed in Mommy's car (I didn't help with this part but instead sat on the couch, I promise).

We did some serious cleaning out/reorganizing of kitchen cabinets and drawers to make room for baby things.  Eventually we would like to have a separate china cabinet (or something simliar) in or around the dining room area so that we can store china (and hopefully wine, wine glasses and accessories) elsewhere, but for now we just moved it all/consolidated to clear out some space.

The recycling pile.  A LOT of work was done!
In the end, meltdowns and all, we had a very successful and productive day.  Now, if we could just have the cleaning fairy come and clean my house from top to bottom, we would be golden.  I'm sure we will have plenty of visitors over the next few weeks and I hate to think of how gross my house is, but hopefully no one will care.  :-) 

Hopefully this post hasn't scared any of you reading who are mothers-to-be.  All pregnancies are different - I have some girlfriends whose husbands say they would be happy if their wife were never pregnant again because she was so crazy, and others who had no problems at all and in fact were more mellow than they were pre-pregnancy!  Either way, it is all part of the process, and we know that in the end (hopefully this week, fingers crossed EEK!) it will for sure be worth all of the tears, boredom from bed rest, etc.  :-)

Happy football watching!

Sarah

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